Southern Spirits Read online

  He fastened the clasp on my wrist, and then placed a kiss there before turning my hand back over. Reclining back on the pillows, he added, “I searched everywhere while you were in the hospital. I couldn’t find anything that suited my purpose, so I had this made.

  “I love it…it’s perfect,” I murmured as I glanced back up at his face.

  “The three ropes are significant. In the bible… Ecclesiastes, I think, it says ‘A chord of three strands is not quickly broken.’”

  “Three?” I whispered in wonder.

  “God, Husband and Wife. The diamonds are for the babies,” he added. I gazed back up at him.

  A tear slid down my face, my emotions finally catching up to the moment. Banton smiled and leaned up to kiss it away before it left my cheek.

  “I always seem to make you cry,” he observed.

  “Yes, but they’re such happy tears,” I whispered as I circled his dimple with my finger.

  He pulled me back down to his chest, and wrapped his arms securely around me, where I drifted peacefully to sleep.

  * * *

  At midnight, hungry little cries drifted across the upstairs landing and through our closed bedroom door.

  “Don’t get up, I’ll make sure my mother has them,” he whispered against my ear as he slid from bed. I nodded as I heard his footsteps cross to the doorway. After a few minutes, I felt him slip back into the bed.

  “Are the babies okay?” I murmured sleepily.

  “Well taken care of by Claudia and Momma,” he replied as he chuckled in the darkness. He reached over and pulled me back into his side. Around three-thirty, their wails woke us again.

  “I think this is our shift,” I muttered sleepily, throwing the covers back.

  “No, stay here, Chandler, and rest. I’ll bring them in here,” he offered. Stroking my arm, he kissed my forehead as he covered me back up and rose to get them. After a moment he pushed the door to our room open as I sat up in bed. He cradled Elly and Matty each in an arm as he crossed the room to me. Placing them one on either side of me, he kissed me and then made a trip down to the kitchen to get their formula. After helping me feed them, he returned them to the nursery and then climbed back into bed.

  “Thank you. The next time is my turn,” I offered sleepily as he snuggled down next to me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The next afternoon, Laurilee stood in the center of Mr. Philippe’s dressing room, waiting for Everett to come back with dress number ten.

  “Why is this so hard for me, but it was so easy for you,” Laurilee complained.

  “Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we have too many opinions in the room,” I offered as Constance rolled her eyes.

  “I still think you need to go with the first dress,” Julia suggested. Aunt Sue shook her head.

  “Darlin’, you need to tell them all to hush and keep their opinions to themselves until you’ve had time to react. When you try the right dress on, you’ll know. It will be the one that makes you cry,” Brie retorted as she stood and put her hands on her hips.

  “She’s right, you know,” I agreed as I pulled Matty back up to my chest from a diaper change. “I’ve known you since we were ten years old. I haven’t seen the dress yet that says ‘Laurilee.’”

  “But you will, sweetie, I swear. We’ll stay all night if we have to,” Mr. Philippe assured her as he and Everett re-appeared with a beautiful champagne lace gown.

  “That looks like Mawmaw Ann’s tablecloth,” Constance began.

  “Shush! No comments from the audience. Let Laurilee feel it as she tries it on,” Everett reprimanded Constance as I smiled. Everett and Mr. Philippe helped Laurilee step into the dress, and then Mr. Philippe drew it up as Everett began hooking the loops over the tiny buttons in the back. As she turned, I got goose-bumps on my arms. The dress fit her like a glove. The long sleeves hugged her tiny arms, and the full A-line skirt puddled on the floor around her feet. The bodice was lined with satin, barely covering the top of her breasts. The lace up to the neckline was sheer like the sleeves, and the lace was sheer all the way down the back of the gown to right above her tailbone. The train in the back disappeared into shredded ruffles of antique lace in shades of cream and off white, giving the gown a vintage feel.

  “I can definitely see cowboy boots with that one…it looks like a sexy version of a hundred and fifty year old dress,” I commented as she turned to me. The sparkle I noted in her eyes was the most we would see of tears from Laurilee.

  “This is the one,” she nodded. Everyone applauded. I nodded my approval as I smiled and rose to hug her.

  “It will be beautiful with the bridesmaids’ dresses,” Mr. Philippe clasped his hands and pressed them to his lips.

  I was to have my fitting for my dress later, so we all scattered throughout the shop to browse as Mr. Philippe finished with Laurilee. After our girl’s outing, we all returned to our house to find it empty.

  “Guess they all went to work out, even Dan,” Laurilee commented as she sat her bags down in the foyer.

  Constance shot me a look, having the same thought I was having…that Dan would be more confused than ever if he witnessed the SEALs running or lifting weights. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the quickening of my heartbeat. I was having a full-blown panic attack once again because of Banton’s absence. I felt silly, knowing Banton was only miles away and would return any time. I was determined to handle this and not let Banton know I was still having them, but they were getting worse, not better. I glanced around the foyer at everyone and then placed Matty down in the floor and took him from his carrier as Claudia did the same with Elly.

  “Constance, could you take him for just a minute, I need to run upstairs,” I asked as I handed him to her.

  “Sure, are you all right?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

  “Yeah, I’ll be right back,” I murmured as I hurried up the staircase. When I had my bedroom door closed, I sat down on the bed and put my head between my legs, taking deep, slow breaths. My chest hurt like I’d swallowed a large balloon of air. As I sat back up slowly, I pushed my hair back and noticed my hands shaking uncontrollably. My eyes filled with tears of frustration. I hated being the weak female, terrified of losing Banton. But that’s what it was. I had to remind myself daily that he was home, and he was alive.

  I heard a soft knock on the door. I straightened and cleared my throat as I answered, “Come in.”

  Brie opened the door cautiously and then entered, closing the door silently behind her.

  “Chandler, what can I do?” she asked, sitting on the bed beside me.

  “What do you mean?” I asked. She covered my hands with hers and I immediately felt such a warmth and love.

  “Come on, Chandler. We have a connection, remember? I can feel what you feel as much as you can feel me. You’re having some sort of anxiety attack, like nothing I’ve ever felt before. What is it? Is it the babies? Are you still anxious about Ellyson?”

  I shook my head, and then raised my eyes to her. “No, it’s silly, really. I feel so stupid,” I began.

  “Chandler, nothing is silly if it affects you like that! I’ve never felt anything like it, except maybe while I was fighting the venom.”

  “It’s Banton. I do this, when he’s not here. It’s like I know he’s coming back, but until I see him, I can’t convince my heart, or something. I can’t control it, and I hate it!”

  “Does he know his absence affects you like this?”

  “He knows I’ve had a couple of panic attacks, one in the hospital. But I don’t want him to know I’m still having them. He can’t stay with me all the time, Brie.”

  “Well, I think you need to be honest with him and tell him. His disappearance did something to you, Chandler. You might need to see someone,” she suggested as my head snapped up.

  “I can get through this on my own, I promise. I’ll be fine, just give me a few minutes,” I argued as she nodded reluctantly. She rose, and then pushed
the door open and returned down the staircase.

  I refused to be that female. Since Elly had recovered and we brought the babies home, everything had been so perfect. I didn’t want anything to mar our happiness. I knew as time passed, I would be able to work through these panic attacks.

  After I had my heart in a more even rhythm, I rose to make my way back downstairs. Voices in the nursery halted me.

  “Banton, she isn’t being honest with you, and I’m worried about her,” Brie’s voice drifted out the door.

  “What’s going on?” Banton’s voice answered, thick with concern.

  “When we got home a little while ago, I could feel it. I felt what Chandler was feeling…and it was awful! It was so intense.”

  “What was?” he demanded.

  “She’s having panic attacks. She admitted it to me, whenever you are gone. She says she knows you are coming back, but she can’t convince herself. Banton, it made me physically ill. I’ve never felt anything like it, except maybe when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to see John again. Chandler is fighting through something, something emotional because of your disappearance. It’s done something to her.”

  My heart began to pound again, angry Brie had told him. Several seconds of silence passed as I pondered what to do. I finally stepped back into our bedroom and pulled the door partially to.

  “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” Brie began. Banton interrupted her.

  “No, Brie…Thank you. I needed to know. Chandler is determined to make everything normal for us right now, and I knew she’d had a panic attack or two. I just didn’t know she was still continuing to have them. I’ll take care of her,” he assured her as their voices got louder moving toward the stairs.

  I waited until I knew they were back downstairs, and then I followed them. I found everyone in the living room playing with the babies.

  “I swear he just smiled at me,” Dan argued.

  “Mrs. Elaine says it’s just gas. Babies don’t really smile until they’re older,” Constance informed them as John snickered.

  “Then Cade and Drew should be grinning all the time!” Ty exclaimed as everyone laughed, my dear cousins included. I grinned at them as I came into the room.

  “That’s great, boys. I’m so proud that you are so famous for such dignified behavior,” Aunt Sue rolled her eyes as Cade punched Drew in the arm.

  “Well, I happen to know they are smiling. Elly smiles at her daddy all the time, isn’t that right?” Banton kissed Ellyson on the cheek right on her dimple, and then turned her so everyone could see her.

  “Come here, sweet little Ellyson Marie. It’s time Uncle Everett had some one-on-one time with you,” Everett declared, taking her from Banton and cradling her to his chest. He sat down in a rocker that we’d added to the room.

  Banton came up behind me and placed his arms around me. “How was your day?” he murmured in my ear, placing a kiss there. I turned in his arms and gave him the biggest smile I could produce.

  “Great, now that everyone is here.”

  “She’s lying, we wore her out so badly, she had to go up and rest for a few minutes when we got back,” Laurilee added. “I know you’ll be glad when Dan and I go back tomorrow. It will be the first time since you’ve been married you have the house all to yourselves,” she finished as Dan put his arms around her from behind.

  Banton continued to gaze at me, and I knew he was thinking about the panic thing. I rose on my toes to kiss him, and then hurried to the kitchen to start supper like nothing was out of the ordinary.

  I cooked a big Southern-fried dinner, with the help of Constance, Brie and Laurilee. I caught Brie making faces several times as she smelled the food cooking, and once or twice I thought she was going to hurl. I finally pulled her to the side.

  “Brie, you don’t have to do this. We can handle it,” I whispered, not wanting Laurilee to hear us.

  “No, I need to practice. You won’t believe this, but it’s really hard to cook now, now that everything tastes different to me. It’s like trying to prepare something for John and make it taste good to him, while it’s revolting to me.”

  “Have you told Everett? Maybe he might have some pointers,” I suggested as she cocked an eyebrow at me.

  “And what about the pure blood thing? I know you haven’t tried it yet, and I can tell you are getting pale again. Chandler, Dr. Renault says we have to have it. You will get sick again,” she cautioned as I nodded reluctantly.

  “I just can’t stand the thought,” I began.

  “It’s no different than eating raw steak. Try holding your nose,” she suggested.

  We went back into the kitchen, and when Laurilee went out the backdoor with Dan, Brie got a plastic cup from the cabinet and Constance helped her fill it from one of the jugs.

  “Here. Hold your nose,” Brie urged as I stood over the sink. I raised the cup and made the mistake of looking at it. It wasn’t so much the color or odor, but the consistency. And it felt slimy.

  I downed it all at once, holding my nose. I stood for several seconds, trying to concentrate on not getting sick…anything but what I’d just ingested.

  “Sweetheart, I’m proud of you,” Banton startled me as he came up from behind me. I rinsed the cup out in the sink, and then took a big drink of water to rinse my mouth out. As soon as the water entered my mouth, it was like it brought the salty rusty iron taste of the blood out. The taste and smell ran though my sinuses and nasal passages, and my stomach started to turn over. I placed my hand over my mouth as I searched wildly around the room. Pushing past Banton, I flew down the hallway and around the corner in to the bathroom. Throwing the lid back on the toilet, I heaved and all of the blood I’d just drank flooded back up my throat. I continued to heave uncontrollably, the spasms racking my body. The more I heaved, the sicker I got. The smell was awful.

  Banton was in the floor beside me at once, rubbing my back as I continued to lose it. He held my hair back and wiped the sweat from my forehead.

  I finally relaxed and sat back in the floor, exhausted from the ordeal. Banton pulled me up into his arms and picked me up from the floor.

  “I can’t do this, Banton…I just can’t! Can’t he give me transfusions whenever the meat isn’t enough?” I begged as I buried my face in his neck. “Can’t he just give me a shot, or something?”

  “I don’t know, Chandler. We’ll call him and see if there isn’t something he can do to help you,” he whispered as he kissed my forehead. He continued to climb the steps with me, and then pushed the door open to our room and deposited me on the bed.

  “You stay put, I’ll bring something up to you,” he murmured, reaching down and stroking my cheek with his thumb. I heard Everett’s voice in the hallway as Banton passed.

  “Is she all right? I’ve been worrying about her following the doctors’ orders,” he commented as he pushed the door open.

  “Bebe, there are easier ways to start that. I thought you’d already started the feedings,” he scolded as he sat down on the bed beside me.

  “No, I can’t stand the thought. I got my courage up tonight, and Brie tried to help, but,” I protested as he shook his head.

  “You need to mix it with something. Brie can stand pure blood, she craves. True Aldon and the fully transformed crave. You do not, so it won’t appeal to you. Have you tried drinking the babies’ formula? It doesn’t bother you to feed it to them, does it?

  “No, mixed with the proteins and dairy, it smells more like vitamins, and the slimy, oily consistency is hidden. It just looks like reddish-brown milk.”

  “Well, then. Maybe not tonight, but we’ll try again in the morning, okay? If that doesn’t work, we’ll make an ‘au jus’ to pour over bread or something,” he offered flamboyantly as he kissed his fingers and flung them in the air like a French chef. I had to giggle.

  “Here. I brought something to settle your stomach --some good old-fashioned sprite and crackers,” Banton offered when he came back int
o the room.

  “No, I’m fine now. I need to go and finish supper.”

  I tried to rise, but Banton pulled me back down on the bed.

  “Nope, Constance and the girls already have everything on the table, and everyone is filling their plates. The babies are sleeping, so just lay back for a little while,” Banton ordered as Everett nodded.

  “Well, I think I’ll just go down and make sure everyone is taken care of,” Everett commented as he stepped back out the door. “I’ll see you later, Bebe.”

  “Thanks, Ev,” I replied.

  Banton watched me for several moments as I nibbled on the crackers and drank some Sprite. I could tell he wanted to talk to me, and I patiently waited until he was ready.

  “Sweetheart, why haven’t you told me about the panic attacks?”

  “I know Brie said something to you,” I began.

  “Yes she did, and she also said they’re pretty intense. She’s worried about you, and so am I.” He reached out to stroke my cheek.

  “I’m fine…I just need to get used to a routine. I don’t want to make more of this than it is, and you can’t stay with me twenty-four seven.”

  “Chandler, that’s not the point. I think maybe you need to talk to someone. Have you mentioned the attacks to Dr. Lane? Maybe when you talk to him about the blood diet thing, you could mention it. He might be able to help you.”

  I teared up as I nodded. “I hate being the weak female! I want to be strong, to be a wife you can be proud of, not some wimpy female…” I began.

  “Chandler Gastaneau! There is nothing wimpy about you!” Banton exclaimed, his tone taking me by surprise. “I am so proud of you. You endured so much pain and heartache while I was away! I hate what my disappearance did to you, and if you need help dealing with it, it is perfectly understandable. God knows I’ve gone through a bit of a transition myself. “